almost at helensvale station!!
can't wait to see mel :)
ohh and I have peanut m&ms too, yummmm

guess what kids, im on holiday. finished yesterday! last few exams were french and math! went well, i think/hope!

basically, im on the train (o shock!) on my way to surfers paradise! well, technically right now im just on the way to roma st. but wow :)
im finally meeting mel after knowing her like, forever haha!

the only problem so far has been that i didn't have enough $$$ to get a ticket straight to the coast so i need to get some out at roma st. plus, being me, i didn't check if mums mp3 had batteries, so now i have to get some! and i need some breakfast too :X

update later if i get bored sewing :D

What a weekend
Mental blackouts
Fainting in the bathroom
4 hours work
Sharla gets sick
Edward scissorhands
Miming
Dancing
Clapping
Rushing
Huong's at home
Annoyed
Film? No
Shit sets by good bands
Garlic bread
Do you want anything else
I think you would like some mountain dew
I think I would like some mountain dew
Hot gangstas
Bored
Table with mark basa and screech
Drawing
Laughing
Lewis not noticing my shoes
Bye andrew
Waiting, waiting, waiting
Dads an idiot.
Huong in bed
Juno.

That's Saturday.

ergh
what an exhausting weekend
update tomorrow
just saying im alive
x

yehhh real early wakeup this morning. 7am. mmmm, perfect. all because dad thought that the trains aren't running from my station today and I need to get to work. so basically I was rushing around getting ready to leave when I realised that, hey, the trains are running thankyouverymuch.
so basically now im finishing getting ready after my extended wakeup and have an hour until work.
haven't been to this work in ages, shouldn't be too much of a bad day :)

Hmm yeh fainted in the bathroom.
Figured I probably have anaemia.

Mum started yelling at me
And blamed me being vegetarian for it, and if that's the problem then really its her fault for not feeding me properly.

Also, I took my tablets on an empty stomach this morning
But what the fuck, that doesn't prove why I have been blacking out for the past 2 days.
I hate my mum sometimes.

hmm yeh, waiting for the city train. been here for 10 minutes now, should be here soon I hope.
so today's agenda is:
art installation (can't remember what time, im thinking 11)
then a business exam which I made no effort to study for!
that's at like, 1pm

so yeh, I should be at school by 1030

ohhhh, I puked before. in the loo.
i had that horrible feeling my throat and so I was like, hmm I think I'll go sit by the toilet now. If that didn't happen I'd probably be at school by now..

there's no business like show business.

yeh dad sounds like a pig. even when he's not eating. it's like an oinking noise. ew.

so you know how i wrote, like, two or so hours ago, that i was fair exhausted? well after like an hour and a half i was like ergh, i feel fat. so i went and started dancing on my ddr game. and now i just feel gross haha.

but not as fucking gross as my dad. seriously, im not even looking at him and yet all he's doing is eating. okay, serious, i feel like throwing up.

anyway, back to my vegetarian dinner :)
(oh yeh plus dad's eating like a mass lump of chicken breast and like, 2 pies, so thats also making me feel gross)

dont feed the pixies
x

so i thought i would be smart and start my tok essay at midday today
yehh, real smart i know right. it was basically about the knowledge of knowing, kind of like uhh ok stuff that, especially because it was matrix related haha. no, im not a fan.

so basically im now at roma st, fair proud of my four hour effort (including distractions and a thirty minute travel to school). 919 words, which pretty much made me pleased. im exhausted however, and not enjoying my immense craving for ribena.

heated platforms are not good.
write later perhaps x

so today was interesting
i was supposedly meant to write a freaking, 1000-1500 word essay for english today. i was pretty much like fuck that. but i tried, and got 750 words haha, not too bad! other people got around the same mark anyway so i was like yeh thats good.
other than that, i got my art finished! im pretty damn happy with it :)
i mean, i didnt hand in my IWB, but it still looks good and i'll be popping that in tomorrow :)

im fair exhausted again :(

woke up at 630, to reach a packed station at 745.
waited for the 750 willingly, and got trapped on the train that all of the indooroopilly fucks got on.
k, seriously they're annoying, especially the little ones that don't take their fat back packs off.
its like fuck off thanks, you can stop bumping into me just hold onto the rail and don't pretend you're surfing on the train.
then there all these asians, i mean, i don't have anything against them, just when they don't speak english and think they're better than everyone else.

so, i need to be at school before 9 because i have an unsees english essay to write.
fun huh? and ive got to get like, my art completed
id rather do that all day rather than do this english exam
i mean, the exam is only for report card not for my IB..
my station next, write later.

i found a way to take up all of your friend space ha
lucky i havent written for a while
expect one every day :)
i miss you all.

so, uhmm, i havent written on here for quite sometime
i miss it actually.

im over the whole
"omg, im going to write about some boy in some poetic way"

thats so prattish
and doesnt get me anywhere

so right now it's block exams
well, pretty much starting tomorrow
but i had my english IOP (!!!! D:) on monday
which was alright..
i managed to get 1700 words
which meant 10 minutes
and then they asked me questions
which i heaps freaked out on
so i got 11.5 minutes in the end

so that's school

work is alright
heaps money-less though
i've been running low on $$$ though
it's all like D:
so basically i have $21 till next wednesday
shit much?
ive been living off doing one shift every second week
at spotlight
and have had no work at urban angel
lameeee

so uhm, im over my family
i always say that
and then i get over it
but seriously
dad's annoying
he doesnt know that much about me
mum never takes my side
she gets angry with me really easily
my sister is so annoying
and she always finds away to make me look like the bitch
it's like, uhhh, k, fuck you fattie!

man im in a bad mood haha


so crushes,
i like a couple of boys
ya know, like, b____, a_____, s____, m___, l____..
i wouldnt be able to date b____ probably
cause i thought he had a girlfriend so i got over him
then he still wanted a booty call
so its just like fun now
its not big deal
a_____ is still dating b_____ haha
so it's kind of like
uhhhh, ok, never mind :p
he's so cute and sweet though
i guess you could say im fair jealous haha
but im not going to push anything
seeing as he lives too far away to have a proper relationship with him
s____ s____ s_____
what a cutie! :D
haha, nah he's sweet
cute, amazing
far outtt
i mean, i met him one night at tom's party
(theyre like, bff's haha)
but yeah
im hoping he can come to a show on saturday
that would be fab!
m___ is cute
younger than me by probably a few months
(fuck i hate being a november baby!)
he goes to school with me
sexy time in the elevator?? haha
kidding!
i'd never do that ;)
but yeah, i dont know where we stand really
so i'll move onto l____
he's sweet
maybe a little old for me
but he is great anyway
i suppose i can live with him just being a friend anyway
so scratch him off the list
and all of the others
i like s____ for sure haha

im exhausted
i just want to write and write
and i do care about who sees this
but ya know?
its like, see this, k?
aiovgjnav

i guess i'll write soon

School today, something I will have to get back into the habit of as these days crease into one-another and then fold deeply into weeks, then later into months.

Today can definitely be named a day.

I came to terms with what I want to do after school. Okay, so not what kind of course I plan to take, but I definitely want to focus on fashion and glamor photography. It is so beautiful. I know that there is a school down in New South Wales that offers a course for $600 to work on fashion photography, which would be perfect... and so I am planning on saving as much as I can so that I can one day attend the program. If wishes serve me well, hopefully by the end of the year.

In other news, I became angered by the slightest things, and picked up on every distraction that floated my way. Boys chattering, girls fidgeting, pens clicking, the boy in the middle of the classroom who seemed to come under every flaw in the book. Oh my, horrible as it seems, I judge too many people. It came to this, I want to fight it off, I am just vulnerable to others words so I create these words upon them and treat them how I believe I am treated. Even when I am fine.

A death. Someone I knew, not another name in the news. The man who I visited every so often when down in Mildura. Cold stares grew upon me from the inside when I realized that, yes - i did know him, but I did not get to spend his last Christmas with him as I should have. Blame mum. Again.

I can't wait to be somewhere where no one will know my name. I miss that feeling. I'm forcing myself to feel that way and yet nothing should be wrong at this point in time. My stomach hurts though, and even with my pro-vegetarian-ism, I was forced to eat what mother had cooked for me.

Goodnight.

Emotions rush through me as we cross paths for the first time in months.
It's been hard to tell whether I meant anything to you or whether I was just another girl.
We all hear gossip and word on the street is that I'm not that amazing and you're the king of hearts.
Take another drag from that cigarette pursed between your lips.
I never knew how attractive you could be when you're angry at the world.
These lips, they speak nothing but of the same hopes and dreams.
Another drink, another lover, another memory passed as we each part ways.
Yet something stays persistent, like the dial-tone that I hear with each attempt I make at reaching you.
Talking, talking, talking.
To think I was over you...

it's hard for me to believe that i wrote in this three days ago
feels like it was last night

i've done nothing but think of him
apparently he's been thinking of me..
dammit, he's different to the other boys
i know, i always seem to find a way to say that
but i think i'm right about this one

things need to change though
i need to think straight
and make the right decision.
and well, same with him

-sigh-

what to do...
leave the school that will get me somewhere?
but might actually not?

leave the school that i have actually managed to make some decent friends in?
who bitch about me behind my back?

leave the teachers that i have made a relationship with?
and loose some faith, but grow more independant?

if i leave... will i loose passion?
will i feel totally lost?

should i go back to my old school where people hated me for no reason?
i doubt they'll even fucking remember me there.. but my ex boyfriend will be going there next year and he'd sit with the group that i would sit with.
oh for fucks suck... what's it like to die alone?
that's all it feels like.
i can't stand this
i don't want to go back to my old school
because amber's in year 12 next year
and i'll only be in year 11

and like, i don't want to try make friends with the people i despise
but there's no other decent public schools in brisbane
why isn't there a fucking GOOD arts school
or why can't mum let me quit altogether
i gave up to far back
i hope the guidance counsellor will help me out tomorrow
she's meant to be helping me choose a tafe course
which will totally stress me out
but will give me something else to think about

otherwise.. if i go back to my old school
i won't have to bother that much
even though mum will make me go every day
but still.... if i have lasted a year
i think i can last two years at a fucking public school again
i just feel stupid
and like a failure
what if people actually like me.. i think that's my biggest problem
oh for fucks sake.. i have to make up my mind soon...
i mean, morgan's doing it..
they don't teach chemistry at my school
and she doesn't get to do percussion and yet she's a music student
so she's in the same boat practically....
ohhh fuck.. i don't know..

i want to just runaway
and go live in adelaide
and go to the same school as caitlin..
fuck, that would be great actually...
i can live with rob and andrew and kt
change between houses every now and again
and then in the holidays i'll come back and visit my family in brisbane
and they'll see how much i've grown
fuck if only....

but if i do go back to corinda
i'll go to tafe
and do as much stuff as i can
just to get out of going to school...
i mean, cinta dropped out... she's.. kind of... okay
but she went to some photography college in morningside apparently
gahhh my fingers are cramping..


and i hell like someone
but he has a girlfriend...
>

These late nights bring him nothing but an easy way out.
While she sits alone waiting,
Wishing that he would even reply to the smallest words in a conversation
After a rough day in the town,
All he wishes is to be left alone yet she persists to connect with a distant flame.

A thought of sorting everything out flashes through her mind,
Just like the lightning that parts the clouds in a midnight mass.
Doing this would get her no-where,
His heart, in other places, other worlds perhaps.

"Boys suck"
Her friends whine to her during their precious time together.
But is it not the girls that make things harder?
With their hearts on their sleeve,
Awaiting any boy with a nice smile and style to walk right in?
Just to get over him a month later?

Believing in a boy that she met two years ago just does not click,
Her mind wishes to stray and meet new people,
But knowing that he would be doing the same...
She realizes how lonely she is without his hand on her shoulder.

To think that you would apologize
Is like thinking that you wouldn't lie to me.

I wish I could give up on you,
But 2 years is not going to allow me to do that.
Thanks for being my un-dying addiction
And for breaking my heart into smaller pieces.